On letting the guy take the lead
by Unknown
So I would say I'm a pretty strong woman, in fact I would go as far to say that I am independent & head strong to a fault.
Never has this been more clearly spelt out for me than at salsa class where I have been asked, more than a few times to 'let me lead you' by my partner.
Is this a metaphor?
I'm going with it.
The fact is I don't trust any man to lead me, made abundantly clear by the fact that I still forget to step back when dancing as my partner leads.
It feels slightly wrong & submissive in a way I haven't encountered. For all you sinners who've read that nasty Grey book you may recognise that term. There's a special circle in hell waiting for us.
My question is why?
When evidently what I want most is a man to lead me, both in life & on the dance floor. Why aren't I physically and probably subconsciously open to being lead?
Am I so consumed by the exhausting task of endlessly proving myself to all an sundry that I cannot (wait for the irony here) let go?
Would it be soo bad if I stuck to the cliche of I haven't met a man who could yet?
Or would that truth be too ironic?
I possibly have & yet we have never danced together. Or been on a date. Or even have a photo together in existence. In social media terms 'we' do not exist. Isn't that a funny thought ?
If I relaxed & loosened up maybe just maybe I could get over myself & get that across body turn right that I royally stuffed up because either I was leading him or too focused on where I was going that I was out of time.
Enough of the dance metaphors.
It's confusing reading it back even for me.
As usual I need to take my own advice.
Be open to being lead, whether by a man or by others ideas. You never know where your feet may take you.
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That phrase "just let me lead" is such an insult. So many other things besides the follow's attitude towards the lead contribute to successfully dancing with a partner. The use of that phrase assumes the lead has no responsibility and it frames the follow as a rag doll to be thrown around. How can you follow if you aren't familiar with all of the signals the lead is using? Not interpreting a lead correctly is not due to some repressed fear of male control, it's a matter of experience. If you don't know he wants you to do a certain move because you haven't encountered the signal before, you get accused of being unsubmissive and therefore unfeminine. It's not about submission to someone moving your body around without you knowing what's going on, it's about communication and cooperation and having fun together.
ReplyDeleteInterpreting a lead correctly and deciding to go along with the move (contrary to popular belief, follows do have the right to refuse a lead into a move they don't feel comfortable doing) or taking another person's life advice is one thing but adults, both male and female, need to know where they are going and no one should force themselves to blindly follow any other person in dance or in life just to avoid being seen as "headstrong."