22 & not a clue

It was the moment when I lay back & thought about falling asleep right there on my Australia towel that I knew trying to do pilates today after work was too big an ask. Motivation is hard. It only gets harder when you add in a 9-5 & take away a support network. You reach a stage in your adult life where you have thrown yourself so far away from your family in hopes of 'independence' a word you have bandied about since the age of 15 that you realise you are either too proud or too far away to ask for help; literally and metaphorically.

You have gotten yourself up on your feet by hook or by crook, you have savings & a flat & maybe even a boyfriend. Ok maybe not. What you don't have is sleep or a stress free mind but you are independent. Welcome to adulthood. The next step? Keep going. No one is behind you cheering you on, you're past that now. You are out there, on your own & the only person stopping you is yourself. Aim high they said, dream big they said. Well you did & you're out there. Now what?

Telling yourself to keep going is tough. It is hard bloody work & sometimes it is so exhausting all you want to do is spend the day in bed watching Geordie shore. We all need an off day from being an adult; to revert back into your 17 year old self. But how do you keep motivating yourself day after day? Life now is mapped out in weekends. It is about getting through the next five days to revel in the remaining two. Pretty depressing when you put it like that really. But that is our reality. We are striving for everything, fighting tooth & nail to get recognised, earn our place and prove our worth. Will it be worth it? Who can honestly answer that.

But the truth is you have gotten this far; don't stop now. Keep aiming high & keep fighting the good fight because there's space in this world for you; you just have to earn it first. All that you sow so shall you reap. It may just take the best part of the next decade. In the mean time remember to appreciate the little things. Like the fact that your crazy family will be there come what may, whether you want them to or not. Like the fact that as you move through life you will not know why you meet the people you do until they are there just in time.

Relax & enjoy the ride the say? I say sit back & give yourself a break. You've made it this far. You're doing alright kid. Breathe.
Now what's the next plan & how are we gonna do it?
Thatta boy.

The morning commute is never a pleasure. It is to most, a dreaded part of the 9-5 routine. Although let's face it, it's more like 6:30-6:30 by the time you factor in the shower, lunch, morning tea & on the other end the bread & milk you forgot at lunch. Bugger.

I plug out. I find man kind is much more enjoyable to be around if I just don't engage. So I am unfortunately that girl on the tram with earphones in and a calm look on her face which just doesn't make sense for this time of day.
The truth is the commute is where I get most of my inspiration from.
I look at people. I am that creep. I am stealing details about you and learning about you. So much so that people no longer appreciate just how much can be learnt about them from a single glance.

It is possibly one of the few perks of being tall that I tower over most on public transport. It means I see things others don't. Like the girl who stood in front of me this morning, though immaculately groomed, had evidently stopped using ear buds years ago. The middle aged woman to my left had put her earring on backwards, how? And the elderly gent on my right had ripped a button off his collar. Does he have no one to sew it back on?

Yesterday on a tram a woman in front of me was reading a pamphlet on pregnancy. She could only be in her first trimester. Another woman, heavily pregnant then sat down next to her opposite me. I had this wonderful moment of life in motion before me.
And yet the two did not speak. The heavily pregnant woman glanced at the pamphlet, then at the woman's stomach and then hugged her handbag closer.
I don't know her story, but surely something could have been said, a connection or shared moment where the two acknowledge their achievement and position in life.
I sat across from them both and wondered how did you both get here? And why doesn't this unite you rather than leave you silent and indifferent?
I know I am a hypocrite here as I choose to tune out to morning commuter life. But it leaves me free to voyeur, to watch as the world spins madly on and we do and say nothing in its wake.
Why won't people reach out? Why don't we smile and share together. A stranger is only so until you speak.

I read the Mx everyday after work & the section 'Vent Your Spleen' is filled with angry commuters voicing their disdain for others. Everyone is indignant about the lack of consideration from others. Few give each other the benefit of the doubt or wonder how things have come to be for that person.
Maybe it's the writer in me, but I feel that as man kind progresses we are losing our ability to empathise or care.

Consider for a moment the attractive man or woman you saw last on public transport. You were interested, intrigued and wondered how their path had come to cross with yours. Where is that curiosity with everyone else? I'm not saying stare inquisitively at every other person like a weirdo, I'm saying have compassion.
Move over on the tram and don't be so awkward, don't throw such scornful looks because someone has pushed onto the train.

They are simply another A getting to another B. Just like you.