22 & not a clue

Seats being few we leapt at a free booth when it became available & were then promptly joined by a Mancunian father and son. Seemingly harmless we had some light conversation and they bought us a drink. After almost an hour of banter back and forth I was at the bar when the son turns to me and says 'by the way, you've got cracking cans'.

I looked at him, and decided to play dumb. 

'What do you mean?'

'You know'

'No I really don't'

'Don't be like that. Not in front of me dad'.

I turned heel and told my friend all. He apologised hastily before his dad returned and I struggled to neutralise the atmosphere. Until they left all I could think was what had I done to invite such a statement. Furthermore, after almost an hour in my company, why was that the only thing he could come up with? 

The saddest part of it all? His dad was a real sweetie. Not quite like father like son. To return to the point though, why was that the first compliment to spring to his mind and in what universe did he think any woman, never mind me, would be flattered? He'd just spent an hour in the sunshine of my company and all he could comment on were my tits?

Don't all scream sexist at once but I feel like this is atypical, that I shouldn't be shocked, that I should be flattered almost? Maybe I am horribly out of practice or maybe he's an amoeba with no chat. I think it's probably the latter. But look here guys, don't comment on a woman's breasts. Don't comment on her body full stop. If you must comment on her smile, tell her her eyes sparkle and you like her hair. Tell her you like the sound of her laugh or that she has a great giggle.

There's no need to point out the obvious, if she's any kind of woman she already knows she has amazing breasts and pins to kill. Compliment her mind, her humour and her wit. Don't lower the tone, there's no need. We don't like it. Rant done. 

I don't show cleavage. Ever. And yet I receive a frustrating amount of attention because of them, sometimes this is to my advantage & other times it is not. Memorable moments born from my chest include the second day of my PR internship where I was asked to interview the other ladies of the office about their boobs because I had 'such...confidence'. Right. I had a laugh and it certainly broke the ice! Yet I am not alone in my struggle to deal daily with the trouble they cause. In fact I was told recently of a party a friend threw to celebrate her impending breast reduction where the only pre-requisite was to 'get them out'. More of this I say! Obviously in the privacy of our own girl nights, but really let's talk about boobs! 

Why is it we only feel the topic can be openly discussed if a man brings it up or a women admits that she has fake ones? Why don't we talk about it as openly as we do back fat or the thigh gap? Both, I hasten to add, are a representation of everything that is wrong with female body image and chat today. Why can't we talk about the fact that it is entirely normal for boobs to come in all different shapes and sizes and that they move and don't sit directly below your neck. Sorry boys.

One argument is that because breasts have become so objectified and sexualised it is impossible to separate them from sex. All connotations arising from conversation around breasts become instantly sexual, unless there's an infant involved in which case get me outta here. (An appropriate response for any 22 year old). We don't simply say 'I like the way they lie when I lie flat,' or 'mine are pointed'. We talk openly about the width of our stomachs or the lumpiness of our thighs, but for some reason we cannot get off our chests what is on them!

We always want what we can't have. In truth I plan to come back in my next life as a size 6 giant with those breasts whose nipples face skywards just so I can wear a crochet bikini. I will never be or do any of those things. Alot of women resent their breasts because of the sexualisation they bring to the table. It's like being tall or being short or having curly hair. you can't do anything about it except in the extreme. The reality is that they enter a room before you do regardless, so talk about them, have some boob pride.