22 & not a clue

Increasingly I'm noticing things that never seemed to matter before which now alter everything in their finite detail. Like the creases in a skirt that previously I wouldn't bother to iron or the sudden necessity to polish my shoes and finally the importance of eyebrows. These details are filling in the space between all the other things I think about. Not quite so much so that I am beginning to turn into a 52 year old shorter version of myself, but enough that I smugly smile and think 'I'm a grown up.'

Speaking of which last week I paid a wizened crone $200 for the privelege of wearing lipstick and discussing my finances. It is the most expensive grown up thing I have ever done and thank god the ATO is rewarding me with tax back otherwise I would have lost my shit. Each adult thing is a personal mile stone, an achievement in that I did it myself. Pathetic really considering millions of people do these things everyday.

I guess what I am celebrating is the subconsciousness of it all. It's becoming second nature to do sensible things. I still don't understand the stock market or how to wire a plug - but I have done my tax return and I remember to pencil my eyebrows each morning so that counts right? With six weeks left of my Australian adventure I am financially independent and hopeful that I may not be as clueless as when I arrived.

It's human nature to freak out, but it's even more natural to learn and grow. Appreciating the things you've learnt to handle and the experiences that taught you nothing is ever that big a deal is important. Especially now when no one else will know if you remembered to polish your shoes or not: it's all up to you now. Twenty somethings are human beanstalks - we just keep growing up and reaching skyward despite all the axes and Jacks along the way.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that you do not always get what you want. Alot of the time your reality does not even come close to what you want for yourself, but as we all know - that is life.

That being said I believe that when you decide exactly what it is you do want, the universe conspires to make it happen. It may not be how or what you would hope for & sure the uncertainty of it all makes you want to throw up half the time - but it will happen.

If you set your sights high and work hard then the universe will work with you. You will get there. The wobbles of doubt & uncertainty are merely tests to make really sure this is what you want. The cosmos throw shit at you like disappointment and bad timing to teach you that if this is really it then you better be ready. Or at least your stomach will be.

The roller coaster of the career ladder is nauseating. Especially when you are grasping for the very first rung. But once you start handling the curved balls & wobbling along with the waiting, the relief when you grasp that rung is worth it.

Even if your mouth is smeared in chocolate & you only realise 20 minutes after the interview, when grinning like an ejit you fix your lippy & gawp at yourself because you are still just 22 & haven't a clue.