22 & not a clue

I have always felt that Melbourne is London & San Francisco's love child, a riot of colour, cuisine and life. Having said that, the longer I stay the more it feels like Melbourne is in fact London, high. It is stuffed and practically comatose it is soo chilled. The good times are a plenty here, they are all for the taking. Anything is achievable here in Australia, just don't break a sweat unless you have to - that is what it feels like to live in this city. Sounds heavenly doesn't it?

I'm starting to feel more and more that Melbourne will be ideal in 20 years time when I am done fighting for a career, it will be an idyllic place to be married and do all of that. But right now it just isn’t hungry enough for me. It is gluttonous with easy going attitudes that just don’t force me to push harder. I don't feel any do-or-die about this city.

Part of coming out here was to figure out where to next. I had to decide what it was that drove me, not just a 2.1 or any job that pays anymore. Student days are now behind me. What actually sets my world on fire? Because what I choose next could end up being the path I follow for the rest of my life. I don't want to be chasing a goal that isn't right for me. I want to do what I love and love what I do. Turns out what I truly love is to write.

Since being out here I have written nearly every day. I have picked up the pen & run with it in a way I never have done before. I have made connections and gained valuable experiences. I have gotten out of my head and comfort zone completely and learnt more about myself than I believe I would have done had I stayed in London.

Coming out here after uni has been a great decision. Hindsight knows everything, that bitch. I came out here to the sunshine, to the good food & to the endless opportunities. I have earned more here than in my life to date. I have gotten to know a part of my family I didn't before and I have proved to myself that I can do this - be an adult; be financially independent & responsible for myself. I can take care of myself. Thanks.

So the decision to go home hasn't been an easy one. Indeed some have called me mad to go back to what is a bleak existence in a cold & grey part of the world in a dreadful financial climate. But the truth is that you can't replace people and you can't change goals. Not easily at least. Nothing can compensate being able to see my family for a weekend or having great friends around me. That isn't replaceable & certainly not with a two year visa. No, 13 months is long enough to be away for me. I will go back with my head firmly in the game. A vast difference to how I left for sure. I will come back with more experience & self assurity knowing that nothing is ever truly 'the end of the world'. What I come home to I have no control over. But so long as I take home all the positives of this experience then I can say with confidence that I have no regrets about this decision.



So thank you Australia. Thank you for giving me the past six months of sunshine, the hottest summer on record, a good job, wonderful new friends & the whackiest apartment that has to be seen to be believed. Here's to the remaining six. London, be ready.

I often mention my life in Melbourne in passing in my posts but I don't talk about it in any great depths. I like to infuse a sense of the any woman; this could be any city anywhere throughout these posts. After all we are just people struggling through in the end; regardless of which continent or country.

I get told I am brave and that people envy me for my choices after uni, frequently. I have had many a friend who has told me how they dream of doing something like this. But the thing I can't get my head around, is why don't they? It isn't that hard. You quit your job, buy a flight, throw a banging party & go.
You throw yourself out there. Cling to an edge or two & just take a chance.

Saying this, I know for a fact I am not made of exceptionally strong stuff & except for the usual bag of crazy mixed with a tendency towards neurotic I am nothing out of the ordinary. I think bungee jumping is crazy, heights scare the shit out of me & I have never been on a roller-coaster - I hardly live on the edge.

So why is it that this is such a big deal? Maybe it's the distance? 10,490+ thousand miles is Alot. Believe me. Or maybe it is the wholly alien, the unknown?They're right though guys- Vegemite does taste the same. Either way I truly believe the average graduate these days needs to not only think outside of the box, but rip that fucker to pieces & start again. How do you ever expect to stand out if you followed the crowd?

I am on dangerous ground here as many wonderful people I know have stayed & fought the good fight after uni and are making progress. I do not want to be on a high horse or a cross for that matter. I simply wish to throw a spanner in the works & ask why not? Why shouldn't you even just consider buggering off out of which ever hemisphere for a while?

The irony is that I have met more Paddys in Melbourne than in my last three years in London. This is the place to come to in a failing economy. You only have to stroll down Acland street or head for Bridies on Chapel street to know that. I will be going back to London to get away from them all the city is so overrun.

Despite all this when it truly comes down to it & I weigh it all up, maybe you guys were right to stay. Often times I feel like a message in a bottle - afloat, adrift & alone. But then I remember that like all such bottles destined for land I too will come ashore when the tide is right. I just haven't been through enough currents or high seas yet.

I will be back. But not yet. Not yet.